IC Inbox for Empatheias

[nofarplaneyet]

Messenger Bird/Voice/Image/Action

*If you want to harass an old man, feel free. Expect dry humor in return if you're trying to be smart.*

Comments

action;

[tekhartha]

[So Auron is a friend of Ana's? Interesting. Interesting in one sense, because he does not appear to come from their home world, and interesting in another, because it is almost impossible to imagine any one kind of person that Ana would befriend. Which is, of course, a compliment from Zenyatta.

At any rate, the omnic is not completely sure of what to expect of his newest pupil. There's no consistent reason for any one individual to take up meditation, and he has long since given up on trying to guess their motivations. Instead, he arrives at Auron's door with an open mind and an air that is at once both enthusiastic and sedate.

Knock knock. It's tranquility calling.]

The most tranquil of calls

[nofarplaneyet]

[Ana had told him that Zenyatta was an omnic. He knew omnic meant a man of metal but he didn't really appreciate what that meant until he met Zenyatta face to face. He may stare for a moment or two before social niceties take over.]

Thank you for coming over on such relatively short notice. [He hasn't lived in Verens very long to acquire a lot of things so his apartment, though small, is very neat. The living room has the most amount of space as Auron leads him to it. He sits on the ground with his back against the front of a couch.] Anything you can teach me would be appreciated.

[tekhartha]

[The staring goes without remark or even reaction; so few people have ever even seen a robot before, after all, much less an omnic monk. It hardly comes as a surprise anymore.]

You are quite welcome. If possible, I always try to make myself available to those in need of my services. [Zenyatta follows Auron in, feet skimming the ground, before sinking to the floor opposite his new student- or half a foot above it, anyway. A small, appraising hum as he settles himself, then he nods.] Have you tried anything like this before?

[nofarplaneyet]

I have. Ana mentioned that you were a monk. I was too, a long time ago. [He leans back with a sigh.] I don't believe in the organization and it's been a while since I seriously tried meditation, but all I can think of is how I practiced it before.

I am getting some help from a young man named Gaius, but I feel that learning meditation from multiple people would certainly be beneficial. I know...I know that I need it. [The kind of problems that dog his thoughts won't be lessened quickly. This much he knows.]

[tekhartha]

Oh? [Zenyatta's voice lifts with interest. Admittedly, as much as he likes to think he does not make assumptions, he certainly didn't have Auron down as a holy man, albeit a lapsed one.]

I do not know of your friend, or how you have practised in the past. Perhaps you might tell me more of your studies once we have finished! But often we must unlearn what we believe we know before we can truly open ourselves to enlightenment.

[He's shifting into position now: a half-lotus, the backs of his hands on his knees in a simple mudra. The orbs around his next expand ever so slightly.]

Begin by making yourself comfortable. Do not concern yourself with any specific position for now: all that matters is that your back is straight and your breathing is easy.

[nofarplaneyet]

[Auron could easily get distracted over all the machina flying around. However, Zenyatta's tone is what gets him. Soothing but confident. Without judgment.]

All right. [He stretches for a moment, hearing something crack in a shoulder, before sitting straight and comfortably. He closes his eye for concentration.] Do I focus on anything in particular?

[tekhartha]

[Zenyatta hums his approval, then takes a moment to consider his response. Nothing at all is the most truthful answer, but it is hardly the most helpful one either. If Auron could easily do that he doubts he would need the help.]

Focus on the sound of my voice.

[If it can even be called that anymore, because, after a moment of silence, it lapses into a soft, tuneless hum: almost an om, but not quite. It's the sound of emptiness, silence without silence.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, it fades out again.]

I can feel you breathing, brother. Slower. Deeper.

[nofarplaneyet]

[There's a bit of a struggle at first. It reminds him of his days of a monk for the Church of Yevon, before he understood how false they were. But as he listens more to Zenyatta, thinking about the omnic and how that's nothing that could ever exist on Spira, it becomes easier to block out the past and concentrate on just the now.]

[Just to concentrate on the hum. To slow down his hasty thoughts, slow down his breathing as instructed. To let go of the sad and frustrated thoughts of his life before coming here. To feel calm and at peace.]

[tekhartha]

[The note holds on for far longer than any human voice possibly could, slowly bleeding beyond vocal imitation and into a soft, polyphonic hum of processors. White noise. Every now and then it is interrupted by the chime of an orb.

And he can sense Auron's struggle, each lapse in concentration a blip on Zenyatta's spiritual radar, but it has about it a sense of rediscovery. He settles quickly.]

Tell me your thoughts.

[The question is entirely undemanding. It's as though he's barely speaking at all- he might as well be communicating telepathically.]

[nofarplaneyet]

[In this state of mind, being a degree removed from what troubles him, he can try to examine his problems with a calmer frame of mind. It's what he cannot do when he attempts this by himself. It still leaves Auron feeling more than a little vulnerable to have to share anything. At the same time he knows he'll never move beyond if he says nothing. He takes a minute to get his mental struggle under control before answering.]

It is difficult to let go of anger and grief when they have sustained you for so long.

[tekhartha]

[Serene and still, Zenyatta gives no indication of his thoughts, yet it is the stillness of a pond rather than a wall: deep, reflective. He's listening carefully.]

Yes. It can seem that way. Yet you must not credit your survival to grief and anger alone- for better or worse, they are a part of you.

[Iris only knows, the same doubts haunted him in his earliest Shambali days- the resentment, the fear and anger.

He does not raise his voice; rather, it seems to intensify, deepen.]

You, Auron, are the one who sustained yourself.

[nofarplaneyet]

...!

[It's not even a mental thought, but it's certainly the impression of being startled. He's not sure how much Zenyatta could possibly know, but "survival" is a good word, as is "sustaining". Even if, technically, neither of those things happened. If one weren't taking being Unsent into consideration. It is still true though. If anger and grief were enough to fight death, Spira would have been covered with Unsent. But he did. He survived to live an altered existence. And because he did so, so many other events took place.]

[With this acceptance of the truth, the snarl of complex emotions in his chest loses a little something. It feels as though he can breathe a little easier and feel calm.]

Yes. Yes I did.

[tekhartha]

[Of course, the words are all but Auron's own; Zenyatta knows that he has not said anything that is not fundamentally true, that some part of his student has yet to acknowledge. The omnic waits, impassive, as the air around Auron's body shifts as subtly but vitally as the tide beneath the moon.

The tiniest of fractures can widen into the deepest of ravines.

Finally, Auron speaks. He nods.]

What you feel is natural, and necessary, and should not be dismissed- yet it is all too easy for our feelings to suffocate us. [Two or three of his orbs chime at once, as if in the motionless breeze of his thoughts as they turn over in his processor.] If we are to truly accept them, we must grant ourselves the space to breathe.

[nofarplaneyet]

[People weren't kidding when they recommended Zenyatta for a teacher. There is just something so very profound about the omnic. How far this could go might entirely depend on Auron's own courage.

At the very least, Zenyatta's next thoughts are easier to accept and consider, while he unconsciously starts breathing slower.]

This place gives you so much time to think. So much time to let yourself choke on the things that were easily forced away before. I can't do what I did before to shove it aside. [It seems easier to admit this while calmer, even if it's something he'd rather not.]

[tekhartha]

[The movements of Auron's body are subtle, even to senses so finely attuned as Zenyatta's- but they are never so open as they are during sessions such as these.]

Indeed. But it also grants us the space with which to gain perspective on those things: space that is so often denied to us in our own worlds, where the source of our deepest fears lies.

There is nothing so wrong or frightening about thinking. You must be courageous, my friend. [He sounds firm but encouraging, as though he were coaxing the man across a great and terrible chasm. Perhaps that's what it is, in a sense.]

[nofarplaneyet]

[A giant chasm is about right. He has a lot of thoughts now that crowd his head, along with feelings. The anger, the grief, the self-loathing. It's just hard for him to tangle them apart. He shouldn't be feeling any of these things, except his fate had other ideas and now he has all the time he needs to contemplate everything he's been forced to ignore for ten years and more. Maybe he should concentrate on just one thing before his courage fails him.]

You call me a friend and you only just met me. I...I haven't had very many of those. And the best of those I ever had, I lost.

[tekhartha]

[Zenyatta can sense them as a cat might an encroaching storm, as though he had whiskers dedicated solely to the detection of emotion. Tempting though it is to try and fight Auron's convolution of feelings it would be as futile as trying to disperse a hurricane. They will confront them, one by one, in their own time.

They have time.]

If you will have me as one, I would be honoured to call you a friend in earnest. [He pauses. Palpably braces himself.] It can seem a dangerous thing, friendship- in embarking upon one, we make ourselves, to some extent, vulnerable. When my brother, Mondatta, passed, I felt I had lost a piece of my own soul, too. But I know also that I would not rewrite our history for anything.

[nofarplaneyet]

[Zenyatta has been so good at extracting information from Auron that he hadn't expected the omnic to reveal information about himself. He really doesn't know anything about omnics, but hearing the sadness in his tone, it seems to him that they aren't that much different. Especially in loss.

He isn't really meditating anymore. He is listening, which is something he is quite good at. To reach out does leave one vulnerable. At the same time, he has shouldered this burden for a very long time and he is wearied. He knows in the back of his mind that everyone has problems and is cognizant of that.

It might be a good thing to share. Auron is hesitant at first at what to do, then reaches out to touch Zenyatta on the shoulder.]

Sounds like someone I would have liked to be friends with. Like you. [This feels like a right decision to him. Something more of that tangle of emotions unsnarls itself in his chest.] Thank you.

[tekhartha]

[That's fine. Where the result is any sort of revelation, meditation is as worthy a means as it is an end in itself. As Auron reaches out he simply places his own hand, briefly, over the man's in a small gesture of appreciation.]

There is not a man alive who could have failed to like Mondatta. [He sounds nostalgic, and tired, and just a little wry, because he knows only too well that there was someone who hated him deeply enough to put a bullet through his faceplate.

It's a blunt, brutal thought, and Auron may catch some of its force before it softens into a sigh.]

You are very welcome, Auron- and I thank you for placing something so precious as your trust with me. I shall guard it with my life. Now- [and with a little chime of his orbs he straightens up again, head to one side]- shall we continue?

[nofarplaneyet]

[Having his trust be guarded with his life? Auron could get behind that. There are friendships and there are ones that are so important that you spend years trying to right the wrongs on behalf of your friends. He sits back down, back straight, eye closed and getting back to breathing.]

I don't know how much courage I have left today, but I can go a little further.

[tekhartha]

[Zenyatta nods; when he speaks, his voice carries with it the suggestion of a smile, gentle and yielding to Auron's own tone.]

Be patient, my friend, and pace yourself. For now, perhaps we might continue our meditation exercise. I see you have already mastered the basics of posture.

[Both hands return to his knees, where they settle into their usual mudra.]

Open your mind.

[nofarplaneyet]

[Getting back to actual meditation is something Auron can get behind. With his legs crossed and his hands held in his lap, he pushes aside the complicated feelings and instead concentrates on the fact he's now meditating with a friend. It puts him in a positive frame of mind. His breathing slows and he tries to keep his mind open to any instruction.]

Do you have a lot of students?

[tekhartha]

[Zenyatta feels Auron's energies collate, redistribute, settle back into their resting state; he must be learning well, to recover his focus after their decidedly emotional reprieve.]

I consider all of us students, to some extent- but students of mine? Here, you are my third, though the first came with me from home.

[nofarplaneyet]

[Auron is sadly quite good at ignoring his own feelings in favor of things that need to be done right away. Possibly why he has the problems he still does now. At the same time, being able to let go of SOME of his emotional turmoil is giving him genuine cause for peace.

Hearing Zenyatta immediately name him as a student makes Auron unexpectedly pleased.]

If I am a student, should I be respectful and call you Master Zenyatta? Will...will you still be my friend if you're also my master?

[tekhartha]

[Zenyatta cocks his head, regarding Auron for a few stern moments- then, abruptly, he chuckles.

His voice warms as a fire in the hearth, soft and comforting and glowing its welcome.]

You may call me by whatever name or title you see fit to use. As for still being a friend, I should not want to be anything else to you, regardless of how you choose to view our relationship. Now- [mock-stern all of a sudden]- focus, please.