IC Inbox for Empatheias

[nofarplaneyet]

Messenger Bird/Voice/Image/Action

*If you want to harass an old man, feel free. Expect dry humor in return if you're trying to be smart.*

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[tenyearswaiting]

Boy, is it ever easy to tell when he's in the dog house around Auron, or maybe journeying across Spira together just made it easier for him to know he fucked up. He rubs at the back of his neck to hide the grimace. Here he is, breaking another promise he made to himself. That he'll make up for pushing things onto Auron back then.

"I know you're mad... I didn't know who else to leave him with and I couldn't stay. His emotions were gonna kill him because I was there. And I wasn't in a good spot either."

[nofarplaneyet]

At least they could be out in the open about this. He doesn't say anything while they walk back to the house. The walk gives him time to think without blowing up and as much as he'd been sitting on his anger, that could be a very real possibility.

"So tell me. When are you going to stop running?"

[tenyearswaiting]

Aw come on. Don't give him the silent treatment. Jecht groans quietly as he tags along. Auron having his sword around is weird too but he keeps mum about it for now.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

[nofarplaneyet]

"Yeah, this time you are."

He knows he should give Jecht some kind of slack, given the entire situation. But if there's one thing about their relationship that has held true over all this time it's this: both of them bring out the absolute best in each other and also the absolute worst.

"You have a chance to make things right in a different way than before. But all you're doing so far is repeating your mistakes."

[tenyearswaiting]

"I know, dammit." He knows and it makes things so hard. "I want to. I'm going to talk to him soon, but you know he's going to look to you too, right? You were there when I wasn't... You watched him grow up."

Ten years. Just like that he missed it all.

"He's my son. I have to make it up to him, but I can't do all of it alone." He wishes he could.

He doesn't notice the thin tendrils of fiery red snaking up his arm, or the hollow echo of wind that's been the background noise of the last ten years of his life inside Sin.

[nofarplaneyet]

They're in front of the house now, but they stop, continuing their conversation. Auron hears the wind but doesn't realize what it's from either.

Nor does he notice how clouded over the sky is getting above them.

"I never said that you had to do it alone, but so far, you're doing what both of you do best. Figure out another way this time. Pick a neutral place. Do something, ANYTHING but what you're doing now!"

[tenyearswaiting]

"I told you I'm going to!" Jecht grunts. Give him some credit, he's not all muscle headed. "I know I fucked up so I'm gonna make it right."

A pause. He finally takes the chance to pace. He can't just stand there and talk and it's while he's stretching his neck again that he happens to look up...

He looks at Auron again, understanding falling over his voice.

"That ain't the only reason you're mad, is it?"

[nofarplaneyet]

It's not the words that send him over the edge. It's the tone. That "I can't possibly understand what you should be so upset for" tone.

And it's not just this entire incident that's made him enraged. This is just the last straw of years of trying to make things right. Of stamping down anger out of guilt.

Auron can't see it since it's behind him, but a huge shadow rises, dripping like ink. It coalesces into a silently screaming face of Sin.

"Neither of you care! You both give the impossible and I do them and you never stop! Neither one of you!"

[tenyearswaiting]

He can empathize but he won't be able to fully understand. He'd be more surprised if Auron doesn't carry something from the mess of their time together back then, of everything after. But to see it manifest like that is something else. He stops pacing, staring at the shadow and taking a surprised step back. The face of Sin not something he expected to be facing from this position.

The surprise turns to a narrowing of his eyes soon enough.

"I don't care? We're in this mess because we care too much!" He clenches his fist and steps forward, focused. His anger broadcasting in a strange stillness and calm in contrast. "How long have you been bottling all that up, Auron? What me and Braska did. What we made you go through."

[nofarplaneyet]

This is something he's never spoken about out loud. Not to any friend here, not even to Regis. It is something way too personal. But for Jecht? Who was there? He might be the only person who he can admit things to, especially when Jecht finally gives him a reason to do just that.

The screaming face of Sin behind him changes into a giant, oppressive Spiran symbol for Jecht, the anger changing to deep dread.

"They don't tell you what happens to summoners because they just assume everyone dies in the end fighting Sin. You both gave me all of your plans to fulfill and then you left. And I had to look at Braska...it's not...it's not right and sometimes I can still see that in my dreams."

[tenyearswaiting]

Jecht clenches his fist. Knowing Auron keeps things to himself and seeing the manifestation of it are two different things. Neither pleasant. His voice is quiet when he speaks again, solemn.

"What happened to you afterwards? I saw... Braska fall before I was taken." A sharp crack in the ground by his feet, intense but small. Controlled. The next time he saw Auron to carry him to Zanarkand. Sin was already fully formed.

[nofarplaneyet]

Auron pauses in his story and looks startled at Jecht asking him.

But now that he thinks about it, he never did say what happened to him, only that he needed Jecht's help to get to his Zanarkand to keep his promise.

"I wanted closure. Or just. Someone to explain things to me. Maybe it'd be better if I just understood. I went back to Zanarkand myself. But that's when she told me. That Sin could never be defeated, summoners would always die and their Guardians would always become the new Sin.

I just...she didn't care. It just didn't matter to her. And...I lost it."

With no Braska and no Jecht to hold him back, could anyone blame Auron for losing his mind? The symbol of Sin behind him wavers as his fear turns into the old familiar pain of despair, with black ice coating the ground around him.

"Just a wave of power and I lost my eye. Got me real good across the chest. Managed to muster the strength to leave. Crawling down the mountain. Got help to get to Bevelle and make sure Yuna had someone to watch her.

"Then I think I was outside of there and no one around. Lost my life but not my will. Unsent. Then I had all the time I needed to find you."

[tenyearswaiting]

His own frost joins Auron's as he clenches his fist. He guessed but he didn't know. Should have asked but he was afraid of what he'd hear. Better to just keep trying to make up for it.

He inhales deeply, knuckles going white as he draws all of that back within himself, killing the chill and frost coming from himself. Auron lost his eye, his life. Because his two friends had something to prove.

"I shouldn't have left it all to you. I'm sorry."

[nofarplaneyet]

Even though Auron had suffered a lot through their fight with Sin, it's not as though he had it the worst. They'd all suffered, albeit differently.

He'd learned to let go of the memory of his brothers so he could live again and make a new family. Having Jecht return had been wonderful, but it brought up a lot of feelings he thought he'd buried for good.

But maybe this is all he wanted. Just some acknowledgment of what he'd done and an apology. The vision of Sin at his back disappears. He walks toward Jecht, looks him in the eye and just sighs, resting his forehead on Jecht's shoulder.

[tenyearswaiting]

They all suffered, there's no question. And a lot of what happened, what he's done, will follow him as guilt forever. And he's fine with that. It's not something he wants to let go just yet.

He watches Auron approach, wouldn't be surprised if he got socked in the face for all of this but instead...

He sighs quietly in turn and rests a hand on Auron's back.

"... I saw Braska start to fall before Yu Yevon took me. Felt it. The whole time I was summoned, I was draining him." Killing him. "Guess I was too afraid to ask how to ask how you died too."

[nofarplaneyet]

They all made a decision and it turned out to be a wrong one. And it will haunt them until they do finally go to the Farplane. Maybe they'd been dancing around this conversation for too long, so it's good they got it out.

"At least you're here."

[tenyearswaiting]

"Heh. Now Tidus is too."

Their lives are going to be a doozy.

"I'll talk to him." He pats Auron on the back twice before straightening, grinning wryly. "Can't promise we won't keep driving you up the wall though."